The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
