Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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