And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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