# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize