Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
