well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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