And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Brb crying the tears of my youth
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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