you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
