i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
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