Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
