It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize