She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I need to calm my uterus...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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