i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
