I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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