i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
