She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
