I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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