dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
