my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize