Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
