My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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