After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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