what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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