So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize