Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
