There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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