Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
