I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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