matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
