I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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