Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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