giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
This house was built for laser tag.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
