Will you blow on my dice?
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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