I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
