I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize