Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
