Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
