She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
