I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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