We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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