fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
