I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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