just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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