The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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