ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
