Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
