just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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