I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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