Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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