What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
