I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
