all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
