She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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