I heard we made out
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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