i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
