so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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