So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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