I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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