if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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