Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
