just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
