she sounds like chewbacca in bed
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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