after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
