Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize