I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
two words: eviction party
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
