At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
