Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
