Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Come see our sink grown plant.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
