I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
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