Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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